Ahhh...Thailand

I just reread my Singapore post; it's interesting what I chose to write about (my haircut) and what I didn't (the fear of a corrupted population that runs so deep that anything "corrupting": alcohol, the casino, r-rated movies, get so heavily taxed and edited that you either can't afford them or can't stand them). Oh well, what's written is written. On to Thailand!

Thailand is heaven. Truly. Shear bliss. The energy, the food, the views, the water....it's all paradise. I feel like we saved the best for last with our vacation. I am so grateful we had eight days to relax, decompress and lay in the sand.

We spent five nights on Koh Lanta, a small island south of the mainland, and three nights in Phuket, on the mainland. Koh Lanta was perfect for us. Dubbed the "family-friendly" island, there were kids and babies everywhere. Oliver was in heaven. He had so many playmates (a dramatic change from our first four weeks of him being the only baby anywhere) he was able to "socialize" at his level again. It seemed we were the only non-Swedish family on Koh Lanta. Everyone at our hotel was Swedish and they all seemed to be either retired or taking their government-sanctioned eight weeks (!!!) paid parental leave. When we asked our new Swedish friends about why we only heard Swedish being spoken as we walked down the beach they explained that Thailand is very popular for the parental leave (no kidding!) and that everyone in Sweden speaks highly of Koh Lanta as a great place to get away to Thailand, but still be able to have your countrymen around you. Personally, it was fantastic to be surrounded by Swedish women, mothers in particular. They were very warm and welcoming and so confident with their mothering and their bodies; it really did my heart such good to talk with them. No matter their shape, they all wore bikinis with their heads held high, such an un-American thing to do. They thought it  was fantastic that Oliver was eating fistfulls of sand and running around bare-bottomed (after he pooped through all his swim diapers one day).  I felt a renewed sense of beauty and confidence as a mother in a way I have yet to feel in India. They all complemented each other and praised everyone's children. I kept thinking that this is how it should always be: a mother-hood. A sisterhood that supports and embraces and encourages. Never points fingers, makes accusations (never once did someone tell me Oliver looks cold), or belittles. It was refreshing. I fell in love with Swedish people as I fell in love with Thailand.

The food was out of this world. There was a couple of years in college when I would try to get out of ordering dinner with friends if it was Thai food. Ugh, not again. I really don't care for this. I rediscovered my love of Thai food in Chicago and then fell head over heels for it this trip. I swam through bowls of Tom Yum soup and waded through Thai green curry on a daily basis. Andy and I gorged ourselves on the fresh seafood and discovered that Oliver loves all things from the ocean. Since a growing portion of what he eats comes from our plates he would *scream* and point at our plates when they arrived at dinner and then sign "EAT! EAT! EAT!" until we would cut up a prawn, or a piece of fish or give him a spoonful of green curry (he loves it as much as I do). The three of us indulged at every meal leaving the table with round, happy tummies. Andy and I drank fruity drinks and lounged in the hammock outside our bungalow or napped next to Oliver in the sand. We discovered lemongrass margaritas are our new favorite drink (to my great dismay, you cannot buy lemongrass here) and had several. I would go back to Thailand just to eat and drink, the meals were a vacation themselves.

I had a Thai massage on the beach and ran barefoot from one end of our beach to the other every morning, my knees never hurt once. Andy went birding while Oliver and I built sandcastles and swam in the ocean. I didn't want to leave. But I got on the ferry to Phuket anyways and I am so happy I did. Our view of Phuket is exactly what our view of Koh Lanta was, the ocean and our hotel. We never left our beach. We didn't have to.

Our hotel in Phuket was quite tranquil, perfect for our last few days. We made some friends from Pittsburg, expats living in Singapore, and hung out with them during the days and nights. We again ate and drank everything we could get our hands on. We all slept soundly at night and Oliver would play until he fell asleep on a lounge chair by the pool. We were relaxed.

On our last day in Phuket, I very quickly came down with something. I was in the pool with my expat friend and suddenly was covered with goosebumps and my hands went numb. I got out and sat in the sun but couldn't stop shivering (it was only 92 degrees out).  I tried laying down on a lounge chair but couldn't stop shaking. Everything hurt, from my scalp to my toenails, I just ached.  I went to the room and fell asleep. After a few hours I woke up and started having hallucinations: I thought the Buddha statue on our porch was Andy. I thought I saw Oliver flying. I thought I was hearing things. I was freezing and in horrible pain. I know Andy and Oliver came in and out of the room. I know at some point Andy put on the movie "My Fair Lady" (one of my favorites) for me and I heard Audrey Hepburn's voice drift in and out of my consciousness. I had no concrete thoughts other than being scared. I had never felt so incapacitated. Not after my abdominal surgery; not after my cesarean; not after being depleted by Colitis; I was a shell and a barely conscious one at that. We had to leave the next day to go back to Singapore. I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of the bed let alone survive a plane ride. I drifted in and out that night alternating freezing and baking under the covers. Andy found our reserve antibiotics and I took the first round and hoped everything would be better in the morning.

Singapore, a safe place

Landing in Singapore felt like being wrapped up in a warm, humid blanket. Ahhh...the tropics.
The first thing you notice upon leaving the airport is how clean everything is. When I say clean, I mean clean. Sanitary, polished, almost sterile...a complete 180 from the desert town we were just in. I felt my shoulders relax into place, my brain stop swimming with concern. We made it out of India, and we can touch, eat, drink, lick, and sit on any surface...without wiping it down first! It felt like a reprieve...you can relax now, Oliver will be just fine here.

We stayed with our friends Mark and Sashka in their fabulous rented condominium. Mark and Andy met in college and we met Sashka two years ago on a trip to NYC when I was about six weeks pregnant. Mark is on a two year contract to help establish the Singapore office of his multi-media advertising company. Sashka, like me, is a trailing spouse. We talked at length about what it is like to follow your partner around the world and not have a professional life for yourself. Sashka and I had "therapy" sessions everyday in the workout room. We got it all out. All of it. We were both struggling with being so far from home, not having a professional life, dealing with our husband's successes while we had no external reward for moving...it was fantastic to be able to have this time with someone who really gets what I am saying, and understands through her own experience, the struggle. It was heaven. After three weeks with three Cooper boys, I really needed some girl time. We all went out to eat, shopping, touring, walking, drinking. It was so great to be with people who knew us before we came to India. We could speak short-hand and they understood. Seeing people from home was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Singapore is a police state, but you don't ever see officers. I asked our friends about this and they explained that the officers are in plain clothes; all the better to arrest you for spitting in. You feel the pressure to stay within the lines every time you walk outside. It's different from Japan, the country I previously had associated with following the rules so well. In Singapore you feel scared to step out of bounds because someone might pounce on you. In Japan, it was societal pressure that kept people in line: Don't litter because we want clean streets! Don't listen to loud music so we all can enjoy the train! Don't smoke unless you are near a designated trash can because others may not want to breathe in your exhaust! But in Singapore it's more scary: even consider stepping out of the rule zone and you will be Punished! Severely! Painfully! You get the sense that everyone is aware of this at all times and they walk around the city with an undercurrent of fear pulsing through them.  It was bizarre, eery, especially coming from a country where you never see officers either but that is because they just can't be bothered to enforce any rules.

Singapore has many nicknames: Asia-light (More like Diet-Asia to me), Disneyworld with the death penalty. It was hard to get a sense of the culture, even though we were there for an entire week. I kept wondering, What do people do? What do they like to eat? With what traditions do they raise their kids? What is important to them? I couldn't get a read on it. Singapore is a new country, self-governing since 1959 and independent since 1965 and you feel that newness still. All the buildings are new (we saw a building getting demolished that was built in 1987! Our friends said it "looked too old") the cars on the road can only date back ten years and then must be replaced, the newest buildings look like they are from the future...nothing  said "restored" or " traditional" in the least. New new new. There is cultural influence from Malaysia, of course, but also China, Japan, India and America. There were so many American expats in Singapore to nobody bothered to even glance at us, let alone ask for our picture (which was fantastic!). People from all over the world move there for work since Singapore is the the second freest economy in the world (behind Hong Kong). There is a huge blending of cultures in demographics; but it feels as if none of it is cohesive. It feels quite separate; as if people save their traditions for home at out on the streets everything is a very homogenous....diet Asia.

Capitalism is alive and well in Singapore and I have to admit, though I am embarrassed to, I missed it. , Just a little. What I really miss is the resources, abundant and right at my finger tips. You could buy anything you want or need in Singapore, for a price. Since everything gets imported, you notice just how much taxes, levies and logistics factor into pricing. Vitamins were $85.00! (A Singapore dollar is about 1.25 for every American dollar) One morning Andy had some stomach issues so I went to the pharmacy.  After seeing that the remedy was $45.00, I told him he needed to ride it out. Once Sashka and I walked for two blocks and in those two blocks I passed by two Chanel's. Because it is so hard to walk to the Chanel two blocks back? Crazy. Yes, I shopped and was happy to do so. I only bought a couple of things but since western clothes are not available/not attractive in India, I wanted something new that I could wear in my own style. People seemed happy to shop, happy to pay what was asked. If there is a culture in Singapore, it's a mall culture; the common thread can be found at the malls.

I had told my friend that one of the first things I had to do in Singapore was get my haircut. I needed a change and I needed someone who knew how to cut curly hair. When I arrived at the salon my very sweet, young, flaming stylist took one look at my hair and gasped, "What have you DONE?" I meekly replied something about how hard the water in India is...how much I am trying with my limited product availability to keep moisture in my hair. He shook his head and said that I MUST get the $325 deep conditioning treatment. "Nope, I just want to cut it off." We agreed on three inches. He was adamant about not going shorter (a commandment for those of us with tight ringlets, 'thou shall not have hair above your shoulders!'). One he had done the trimming and blew out my hair into a nice, straight look I said, "Go shorter." He shook his head no. "Yes, please, you don't understand how badly I need a change!" He said he couldn't possibly. So I very kindly, but very directly said that if he didn't take two more inches off I wasn't going to pay the full price and I wasn't going to come back (he didn't need to know that I wouldn't come back anyway). He very nervously went after those two inches. His brow was sweating but his hands were steady. In the end, even with five inches gone, my hair rested comfortably below my shoulders but I felt like a completely new person.

By far the hardest thing for me to get my head around in Singapore was that there was never anyone swimming in the ocean. There are so many merchant tankers in the surrounding water, waiting to get into port that they leak oil into the water so there is oil at the beach. I just don't understand how you can live on an island and never be able to swim in the water around it. Isn't there a solution? The tankers wait further from shore? Cleaner tankers? There must be a way to still get the goods in (there goes that capitalism, ruining the oceans...I told you I was embarrassed for missing it!) yet keep the ocean's clean. I just don't know the answer.

After a week we were off to Thailand, where I could have stayed, happily, in the ocean all day.

Jaisalmer

Jaisalmer, home to so many things: the Thar desert, the Jaisalmer fort, more camels per capita than any other city I have ever been to, my emotional breakdown...

Here's the thing: I had an entire post written about the challenges of Jaisalmer and of traveling around India in general and how I was handling it all...and I think I just needed to write that for myself. I erased it and feel like all that really needs to be said is that this was a good trip for me. Really. The whole thing.

Jaisalmer, with Jaisalmer fort in the background.

In the moment, so many things can challenge and upset you. But when you step back and get some distance, you realize that it's all great. You did it. You made it. It's okay.

I have to remind myself sometimes that I chose to come here. I could have said no, put my foot down and remained in Chicago, but I wanted an adventure. I needed an adventure. I needed to get away from my routines, my lists, my comfortable existence and shake things up. Get uncomfortable, get proactive, get scared, get shaken. And I did. Get shaken. Jaisalmer brought out all the things that make me most crazy about India (obnoxious men, feces and garbage in the street, general filth) and put it in front of my face, and my feet daily; and it was so difficult. It brought me to my knees. In the moment, I had a complete emotional breakdown at the rooftop restaurant of our hotel. In the moment I felt it was over a lack of coffee, frustrations with my travel companions, camel poop...but now that I have some space I realize I needed that breakdown in the worst way. I had been moving forward, keeping the pace, staying vigilant and I was tired. Exhausted in my bones. I needed to breakdown so I could rebuild, start over, and start enjoying.  

In the moment, this was not clear. In the moment, I was a hysterical, under-caffeinated westerner weeping as if the tears would never stop. But now...much later...it's all great. It's all going to be okay. This is my adventure, I wanted this. So it isn't *exactly* what I wanted it to be; it's exactly what I need. I wanted to get uncomfortable, India said "Okay, deal with this!" I wanted to get shaken, India responded with force. I wanted to get away from my routines and lists and India has thrown every diversion, lack of resource and challenge at me it can muster. And it's all going to be okay. Really, it will. Hear me, and  really listen, because I spent countless dollars and hours needing a therapist to assure me of this: it's all going to be okay. 

I have four more months here and I intend to make the most of them. Sure, I will still roll my eyes at the men and the car horns and get frustrated when my grocer does not have a single item that I need, but it's all going to be okay. I really needed some India in my life and boy, I have it. I got the message, loud and clear. No matter what, it's all going to be okay. And honestly, because I have gotten some space from it all, the big picture is so clear: I am having the time of my life. 

Udaipur

If Jaipur was the beginning of me questioning why we came to India, then Udaipur was a breath of fresh air. Built around a lake (you all know how I love my cities built around lakes!) it has palaces, temples, roof top restaurants and not a single busy road because it is such an old city that it does not have multi-lane roads in the city center. The roads are only wide enough for one car or rickshaw to pass through at a time. Udaipur's claim to fame is that "Octopussy" was filmed there. Several restaurants show it nightly so as you walk down the street at night you hear James Bond flirting with women and shooting guns and leaping from building to building.

Udaipur at sundown; view from a rooftop
Lake Palace in the distance

There were more visible tourists in Udaipur as well, as most chose to stay in the center of the city. This meant I met a few women I could actually talk to. After traveling for nearly two weeks with three generations of Cooper men, I was sorely missing some girl-time.  Anytime I heard a woman speaking English, I would strike up a conversation with her, "Talk to me!  PLEASE!" Great coffee was abundant and so was great food. I took a cooking class and learned how to make four different curries, masala chai, roti, parathas, and dal. Yum.  We found a rooftop restaurant with fabulous food (and minestrone soup for Chuck) that looked over the lake and had a very large cushioned area to sit and eat at on the floor, which was ideal for Oliver because he could move around (highchairs aren't a thing in restaurants in India). I really enjoyed being able to go up on a rooftop, several floors above the street and enjoy a quiet meal with a great view.

Walking around Udaipur was fun. There were many attractive things to look at and all were easily visible as we walked along the narrow roads. The only issue I took with walking these roads was that I was constantly being yelled to by shop owners who were quite forward; "Beautiful woman! Come into my store!" "Madam, you need ______!" "Pretty mother and baby, you like? Come in!" We stayed just four buildings down from a great cafe and I would count dozens of shouts as I walked for coffee each day. I get it! You want business! I want coffee, so it's not going to happen right now!  An owner of a tailoring business even tried to sell me the jacket I was wearing. "I can make your jacket for you! Good price! Come in and get measured!" When I asked him why I would want a jacket made exactly like the one I had on, he was so perplexed. "Then you would have two!" Oh, got it. Maybe next time.

We took long walks around town and across the lake. Toured the city palace and took a boat ride, which was Oliver's first and he LOVED it. We shopped and drank and enjoyed the atmosphere.

City Palace

There were no camels that we saw, but there were hundreds of cows and Oliver was thrilled to "Moo" at them everyday.

When we were in Jaipur I asked Chuck for his input, as it is his vacation too. I asked him, "What would you like to see while you are here?" He responded, "Old stuff." Andy and I howled with laughter and it became a running joke between the three of us. We would pass by an old temple, "Look Chuck, 'old stuff'!" Or an old, dilapidated building, "Old stuff!" Even an elderly cow, "Old stuff!"

Udaipur satisfied the needs of all three adults and Oliver. Water, a more quiet energy and great food for me; Great art, temples and walking for Andy; "Old stuff" and minestrone soup for Chuck; and plenty of cows for Oliver to admire. It felt like a very special place, a place we were very fortunate to see. I truly enjoyed my time in Udaipur. Now we had to prepare ourselves for two overnight train rides in the next forty-eight hours as there is no direct train from Udaipur to Jaisalmer. We headed back to Jaipur on an overnight train and stayed at our former hotel for the day. Then at 11:00 p.m. we left Jaipur for Jaisalmer. I was beyond exhausted, feeling depleted and ready to stay in one place for a while. But staying in one place was not on the agenda. 

Processing

Hello all,
I know I haven't written in quite some time and the truth is that I was just having too much fun in Singapore and Thailand to bother with the internet. When we returned home we were without internet for three days (Ah, welcome home! You have zero contact with the outside world! Enjoy!) and so I have been slowly processing what we went through the past five-plus weeks.

I really cannot believe all the places we went, all the various modes of travel we took, the people we saw, the food (my god, the food!) we ate.  I am going to try and write about the highlights and lowlights of each place and hope to give you a feeling for what like was like for the time we were there.

Jaipur
Oh Jaipur, you crazy sonofabitch. I was so unprepared for you in every possible way.  After traveling from Agra to Bharatpur, we drove to Jaipur for the last leg with our driver. I wasn't ready to get rid of him. We had a nice cozy minivan and everyone had there own space. Oliver was thrilled to have his own seat (Chuck-Andy's Dad-brought over a car seat we had ordered and we lugged that Britax across three countries). Upon arrival, I was very thankful that we had a very quiet, very beautiful hotel. I could tell that this city was going to be far from quiet and not too pretty to look at all the time. Our hotel was owned and operated by the former Chief of Staff of the Indian Navy. It was run like a ship. Spotless. Impeccable service. Silent. We were so happy to be there for some rest and regrouping over the next five days.

Andy and I have a friend, Rebecca, who lived in Jaipur for one year doing an internship at Anohki Fabrics. http://www.anokhi.com/anokhi/anokhi-home.html
They are known for handmade fabrics, block printing and contemporary designs. She told us they have an organic farm where they grow all the food they make in the cafe. Lucky us, the store and cafe were just three blocks away from our hotel. So we had a very pretty, very tasty place to go to and we went there every single day we were in Jaipur.  When you find delicious, quality food (and great coffee!) in India, you stick with what works. Rebecca also mentioned, not warned, of lots of poop and pee in the streets. I was completely unprepared for the RIVERS we would cross on our way to the cafe. As for the poop, we just hoped it was dog poop. Andy even said, "never in my life did I think I would be so grateful to have stepped in DOG poop." In Jaipur, the streets were toilets and we just had to deal. But I felt like a terrible mother taking my baby to a place where you had to walk around all matter of waste just to get to an organic cafe.

We toured the "Pink City", old Jaipur that is surrounded by a large, pink cement wall.

Pink City

We went to Amber Fort, and shopped in the old bazaars.  Jaipur felt crowded, loud and non-stop. At one point we were walking through a very crowded bazaar, bumping up against people, and a man reached out and grabbed my breast! I spun around and shoved him so hard that he knocked over the two men behind him. Satisfied, we made our way out of the bazaar.

Johori Bazaar

Very slowly and very quietly at this point in the trip I was beginning to realize that India and I are not a good match.  I was really struggling with the crowds, noise, filth, waste. I forced myself to name positive things in my head all the time; "Look Lindsey, a pretty building! A flower! A rickshaw that doesn't honk non-stop!" But I was starting to struggle, especially with the growing guilt over having our baby along for the ride with us. Oliver had black boogers and was starting to cough. I was starting to feel like the worst mother in the world. What were we doing here? Why had we thought this was a good idea?

Andy and I made an effort to find green spaces. We went to Central Park and walked. We played in the yard of our hotel. We really tried to counteract the city noise and pollution for Oliver.

I will say, that we had some amazing food in Jaipur. Amazing.  I was very excited for meal times and the opportunity to try new flavors, curries, and concoctions.  Oliver was game for all the flavors and eagerly reached for items off of our plates. Chuck, Andy's dad, began his love affair with Minestrone soup here too. Once he discovered it on a menu, he would order it every day thereafter while he was with us.

When our time in Jaipur was up, we packed up our bags and prepared ourselves for the first of several overnight trains on the Indian Railway. We found our cabin and placed our luggage under the beds and settled in for the nine hour trip to Udaipur.  Oliver slept like a champ. Out cold and barely stirred.
I was thankful that the train trip was smooth and uneventful. Upon arrival, we realized that Udaipur would be a very different experience from Jaipur and we were very excited to explore.

Letting it out

I finally found the time for the emotional breakdown I have been meaning to have since arriving in India. It only took me three minutes. Somewhere between consuming my ump-teenth plastic water bottle, struggling to find a filtered cup of coffee, worrying about what Oliver was going to eat here in rural India and scrapping camel poop off my shoe...I lost it. I made my way up to the roof of our hotel and broke down quietly in the corner. Cursing the dirt, water, annoyingly persistent men, my empty stomach and under-caffeinated head I cried it all out. Once I was aware that there were three waiters watching me, concerned, I pulled down my sunglasses and finished up. "I'm fine" I answered without being questioned and went back to my room. It felt great. I really needed that. I am so happy i finally gave myself the three minutes i needed. This country is no joke; you let your guard down for one minute and you could be drinking bad water and someone you don't know could be walking around with your kid. I am tired of being vigilant, tired of my eyes being so open all the time.
I found Andy and Oliver and announced that we were going on a search for a filtered coffee. We found a place just down the road. It didn't cure my growling stomach, the mounds of poop in the road, or the men who will continue to try and sell to us, flirt with me and hold Oliver...but it was a good place to start.

Tourists

An Indian tourist was staring, not particularly discretely, at me and Oliver for about two minutes. I knew she was going to approach us, but I thought she would just come up, pinch he cheeks and go. You know, our usual interaction with strangers.

To my surprise, here's how our interaction went...

Tourist: excuse me ma'am, if you don't mind I would like to hold your baby.
Me: you have got to be kidding.

Asking to hold a strangers baby? Why? Seriously, why?

When we were in a national park in Bharaptpur, at least five people asked us to either take Oliver's photo, or have their photo taken WITH HIM. No, sorry. Was always our response. One couple even got upset; the husband wanted to know why his wife wasn't allowed to take Oliver's photo. You have to ask?

When we were at the Taj Mahal, Andy was walking hand-in-hand with Oliver out in front of him. A stranger walked up to Oliver, placed his hands under his armpits and attempted to lift him up without even ACKNOWLEDGING Andy. Andy and I both yelled "No!" and the man sheepishly released oliver and slinked away...again without even looking or speaking to Andy. Amazing. I would have asked "on what planet is it okay to pick up a strangers baby without even making eye intact to see if it's okay?" But apparently it is totally acceptable here in India.

Now not only do we try to be present in our surroundings so we can learn something about them, we have to be on alert to run interference for Oliver and delflect not only the aggressive paparazzi, but the man-handlers. Only in India.