My friend Rose

I have a sad face on today. I am trying my best to turn it around. I spent a good portion of yesterday crying and trying to hide it from Oliver. My best friend here at Woodstock, Rose, left for home (Minnesota) this morning. Rose and I were the only trailing spouses who both had children under two and who did not work at the school. She was the only person I could call during the day and chat with, the only person who could come over regularly for tea and playdates. Not only that, her son Ennis was the only child even remotely close to Oliver's age here (ten months older) and so now Oliver has lost his best buddy too. Andy and Rose's husband, Jay, were close as well. Rose and Jay decided that they would leave this year and not complete their three year contract. Jay got a job back home that starts mid-May, so they had to leave before the school year ended.

Me and Rose in Rishikesh 

I feel unsure of my footing today as I think about walking to school for lunch and knowing that Rose and Ennis will not be there waiting for us to join them at the "kids table". I feel as though a major support has been removed from my foundation and I am left swaying in the breeze. Rose and I bonded quickly over many things; the most important of which: we are white women in India (this was a HUGE bonding point-there are not many of us and it is a very unique experience), we have young boys, we are not  religious people (as so many people who work at Woodstock are; this made us stand out quite a bit), we try to be relaxed/calm mothers unlike our Indian counterparts.  Rose said that we made a small tribe: Rose and Ennis, Me and Oliver. People realized that we were different and we could turn to each other to vent about those differences. As Oliver learned to walk he took many stumbles, planted his face into the slate flooring of the quad numerous times. Rose would join me in deflecting the Indian parents who insisted he be picked up and rocked and held for the rest of the day ("Perhaps he is done walking now?" one mother asked me. Rose and I both responded "He's fine!").  It is one thing if your child is the only one rolling around in the sand box, taste-testing rocks and jumping down concrete steps (with scrapes and bruises along their legs and faces) and quite another if you have you have another pair to do it with you, supporting you, assuring the Indian mothers that the boys will be just fine, it's alright with us if they get dirty, kids get bruises, and that they will not get worms from digging in the sand (good grief).

So I am left to myself to deflect the unwanted attention/criticisms/concerns. I am desperate to find a playmate for Oliver, for myself. I have become that girl who hands out her phone number to people she has just met and is hopeful that someone will call. I eavesdropped on a Chinese-Canadian family at a restaurant in town and deduced that they lived and worked here in Mussoorie. They have two boys, a four year old and a one year old. I went to their table and struck up a conversation, handed over my number and said "We are going to have a playdate!" One is set for tomorrow. You will be our friends! I am not weird! I met another family, who are here for the month, while we were staying at the inn at the top of our mountain. (We stayed there due to a mouse infestation, that's another blog post!) This family is coming over for dinner tonight. Yay! New friends!

There is a child who I think is one year older than Oliver and both his parents both work at the school. This child stays home with his grandmother. I have never seen the child down at school during the week. My friend Fabi lives next door to them and she says she never sees him playing outside. I have made it my mission to get this boy out of the house and playing with Oliver. I have spoken with his father and asked (alright, begged) for a regular playdate, "How about Tuesdays?" This is an unknown concept with Indian families. Most of the Indian children I know here stay at home with their ayah's while their parents work. The ayah's rarely take them out of the house (see previous post, they may get dirty!) and if they do, they play directly in front of the house. Next door we have a three year old and we are constantly knocking on the door to see if the ayah will let him out to play. He is only allowed to remain in the bottom-third of our driveway so we roll cars and balls down the slope with him. Otherwise, we never see the kid. I don't know what they do in there all day. Socialization is not a concern here, watching television is a totally acceptable way to pass the day; no matter the age.

So I am getting proactive. We have updated our routine, I now work out in the school gym early in the morning while Andy and Oliver wake up, get dressed and have breakfast at school. Then Oliver and I either play in the quad with some students, or go to music class with the Pre-K class.  I am adamant about scheduling time with young kids for Oliver-it was so easy with Rose, a quick phone call and we would meet up later that morning after naps-so we have kids coming over tonight and the play date  tomorrow. I am already planning next weeks. We have seven-plus weeks here still, I intend to keep our social life moving forward and get us out and playing with people everyday. That said, if I could, I would wish that Rose and Ennis were still here with us. We are really going to miss you guys.