I had really thought there would be nothing more for me to say on the Rhesus subject. I thought I had made an agreement with them based on mutual respect for each other and the safety for our respective children. I was so wrong.
Today, Andy, Oliver, and I made our way up to the top of our mountain for the purpose of both an afternoon walk and to get some groceries from the local store. As we walked we encountered a troop of Rhesus, dozens of them, lining the trees and our path. Andy picked up a rock, tossed it, and they scattered. We continued on our way, took in the view, and once on top, bought snacks for our upcoming vacation.
We had agreed before leaving home that Andy would continue on and take the path that figure-eights around the mountain top and look for birds. Oliver and I would head down the way we came to be home in time for his nap. We split the groceries, Andy carrying what he could in his pockets, and me carrying the reusable (read: not see-through plastic!) bag.
Down we went, Me and Oliver, singing Edelweiss and looking out across the Himalayan range. Until we got to the field by our house our walk had been totally monkey free. *Mom, this is where you stop reading. Seriously. Stop.* There were about five Rhesus on the far edge of the field and two Langurs (the GOOD monkeys) close to where Oliver and I were going to walk onto the field. I thought about it and since I only saw a handful of Rhesus, and I (for whatever reason) thought that the Langurs would keep them at a distance, I decided we would take the walk across the field to go down the steps and go home. Bad decision. *Mom, you had better not be reading! I told you to stop!* I had a rock in my hand "just in case" and I tossed it and caught it saying "hey guys, just stay to that side, ok?" Tossing, tossing, walking, walking. I heard a loud "OOH OOH OOH!" to my right and saw a large male yelling at me. Still calm I said to him (Why do I talk to the monkeys? Who knows?!), "It's cool, we'll be out of your way..." and before I could finish the large male ran right in front of me and was now yelling and swatting at me. Shit. I spun around, thinking I could take the longer trail down the other side of the field, and saw several monkeys were standing on their HIND LEGS behind me, swatting at me and yelling "OOH OOH OOOH!!!!!" Shit, shit, shit! Why did I say I would take the bag? Why had I listened when everyone said they wouldn't bother me "as long as I was carrying the baby?" Shit! All it took was a split-second to assess the seven large swatting, yelling monkeys surrounding me and to see the ENTIRE troop descending from the trees (thinking they had found lunch). I wrapped my arms around Oliver and screamed a scream I have never heard come from anyone's mouth, let alone my own. I was panicked, and in my panic, I kicked my way out of the circle of monkeys. Waving my arms and kicking and screaming I ran towards the stairs. They followed. I got my hand on the pepper spray in my bag, fully prepared to blind some monkeys. I sprinted down the stairs, screaming the entire time (Oliver was crying by this point too, surely he must have thought I was losing my mind). At the bottom I was able to look up and see my tormentors swinging from the branches, still at the top of the stairs "OOH OOH OOH!"...sad that their lunch ran away with the screaming woman. Jerks.
I started to sob. Shaking and sweating and tears falling down on Oliver, I made it home with the pepper spray now indented into my palm. I locked the door once inside and held Oliver tight and promised him I would never, EVER, let his Dad go birding while we walked with groceries ever again. Never, ever, ever. Jerks. Mom, I know you are still reading. We are OK. Truly, not a scratch on us. I will be more careful next time...I promise.
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